Following hot on the news that Areva have been building a state-of-the-art nuclear reactor for the last four years without the designs for the safety systems being ready, France’s nuclear embarrassments have just announced their intentions to start producing low-carbon cars. The vehicles don’t have brakes, steering wheels or airbags but Areva say they are 100 per cent safe and the company is confident the cars will be popular amongst the gullible. ‘We’ll get back to you when we’ve finished counting our money,’ said an Areva spokesman.

The Israelis government announced this week that it has no intention of signing the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty ‘citing the pact's failure to prevent nations from obtaining atomic arms’. India gave similar reasons for not signing the NPT last year when it was re-admitted to the nuclear club after being expelled in the early 1970s for testing nuclear weapons. It’s an interesting defence – not abiding by the rules because other people don’t – but we don’t recommend you try using it should you ever find yourself charged with robbery, murder or other crimes. We’re not lawyers but even we know that telling the judge that you broke into a house because ‘the law against housebreaking has failed to prevent other people from breaking into houses’ may not be looked upon in your favour.

There was much hilarity last month when, as an April Fool joke, two apprentices for Atkins Nuclear, a UK nuclear, IT and engineering services company, moved a colleague’s car from one car park to another. Unfortunately, the car park they moved the car to was restricted access and belonged to VT Nuclear Services which provides ‘services to the nuclear and security industry’. The 65 member of staff were evacuated after they suspected a terrorist threat. A spokesman for VT Nuclear Services said, ‘the receptionist saw two men drop off the van and then run away.’ Atkins Nuclear’s Come To Work Dressed As Your Favourite James Bond Villain competition has been cancelled.

(You can read other tales of nuclear insanity here)