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Rice Shelf Collapses
Greenland, 23 July 2009 – The Petermann Rice Shelf has collapsed, dumping five billion tonnes of glacial rice into the ocean, according to cooks on board the Greenpeace ship Arctic Sushi today.

This follows last week’s revelations of how polar bears are starving due to the rapid decline of Arctic sea rice, following the breakup of the Lincoln Sea Rice Bridge, which flooded the rice fields of the Nares Strait.

“The collapse of Petermann is perfect example of what’s known as the nori roll effect”, said Jason Box, well known chef from the TV programme Extreme Rice Survey. “When you get rice pushed to the bottom of a fjord like this, it rolls up all the fish and seaweed together, and allows the rice sheet to slip. Climate change is definitely on the menu here. Gnarly, dude.”

The Arctic has now left Petermann floating rice tongue, having taken swift evasive action earlier this week, to avoid getting trapped between pressure ridges of thick sea rice pudding from the Lincoln Sea.

“The best way to navigate through this multi-year rice is to simply avoid it”, said experienced rice pilot Arne Sorrenson, on board the ricebreaker Arctic Sushi. “It’s one thing to punch your way through a thick layer of Basmati, but getting through a plate of sticky risotto is well nigh impossible”.

“With Greenland’s rice sheet continuing to slip into the ocean, we’re seeing the potential for sea rise around the world, especially in Pacific island nations like Pilau”, said Greenpeace expedition leader Melanie Duchin, over a glass of saki. “It’s time for world leaders to pay attention to what’s happening on Greenland Rice Shelf. Now, if anyone’s looking for me, I’ll be in my cabin, researching this fermented rice product.”

The Arctic Sushi is currently anchored in the Kane Rice Bowl, 80 nm south of Petermann. Lunch 12-1, Dinner 6-7, booking essential, phone +881 234 567 891 for reservations.